PROVO — A junior high school teacher has been arrested for investigation of unlawful sexual conduct with her 16-year-old proctor son. Jennifer Candida Gonzales, 32, who teaches at Mt. Nebo Junior High School in Payson, was arrested Monday after her husband, Richard Gonzales, told police he came home from work to find her and their 16-year-old proctor son in the basement with candles and oils, according to an affidavit of probable cause filed in 4th District Court. A proctor parent takes temporary care of a state-custody teen who may face emotional, behavioral or attitudinal issues. According to the affidavit, the teenager told police he had massaged Gonzales' breasts and buttocks.

Let this be a lesson to you kids. The kind of lesson you wouldn't get anywhere except here and at Mt. Nebo Jr. High. Bad kids get what they want; good kids are suckers. I have a buddy whose wife used to teach the "troubled" kids; the Sweathogs. The kids who acted up, cut classes and had juvey records. She used to take them on field trips. One time they were at Plymouth Plantation and the girl in the period costume explained to these kids how people lived in the Pilgrim days and finished it with "Would you like to ask me any questions" so one of the young punks said "Yeah, do you take it up the ass?" When she told me this story, I asked my friend's wife "What kind of field trips do you take the good kids on? The ones with perfect attendance who study hard and follow the rules?" "Um, none," she said. So all you school kids reading Barstool right now, take it from me. Disrupt class. Get in trouble. Demonstrate "emotional, behavioral or attitudinal issues." Then you too will get to embarass National Park employees and rub massage oil over some MILFs breast and buttocks by candlelight in her basement.

The Grades:
Looks: Probably cleans up really well. Grade: A solid B.
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: I honestly don't know how I can ask any more of a chick than to let her foster child feel her up while her husband is in the house. All the kid would've had to see is the candles and oils set up and I'm guessing his "attitudinal issues" weren't the only thing being straightened out. Grade: A+.
Intangibles: Jennifer really needs to offer proof of fornication to bring this grade up. But getting Richard to go along with this proctoring thing without him getting wise to the fact that she was horny for the kid... that's brilliant. Grade: B+
Overall: B+.