Random Thoughts

Brighton - The old neon Dunkin’ Donuts sign that has towered over the intersection of North Beacon and Market Streets for the past 50 years is gone. Plans were in the works for months to take it down, because, Dunkin’ Donuts representatives said, it had deteriorated to an unsuitable condition. Dunkin’ Donuts spokesman Andrew Mastrangelo said the franchisee owner, who is declining to speak with the press, has the old sign in storage. “He’s looking into what he can do with it,” Mastrangelo said.

This is kind of sad right?    I feel like that Dunkin Donuts sign was as much a part of Allston as the rats and the Super 88.   I have a hard time believing that Dunkin Donuts doesn’t have enough money to restore the thing and get it back up there and running.    After all I hear they make some money over there at D&D.  And what’s up with the owner refusing to speak with the press?   Dude, it’s a freaking sign.    It’s not Watergate.

- Photo from Bostonist.com

As everybody knows by now the Barstool 80’s Party is coming up next Thursday and to promote the event, every day between now and then we’ll be featuring an 80’s Artist of the Day that girls will hopefully be flashing their tits to next week at the party. 

Today’s featured artist is none other than Rick Astley – singer of many hit songs in the 80’s (2) including “Never Gonna Give You Up” which somehow hit #1 in the UK in 1987. 

Now as you can see by the chart (see above), Rick uses an interesting strategy here by telling his girlfriend all the things he definitely won’t do to her, including give her up and let her down.  Most experts agree, only a lyrical genius/cougar heart-throb like Astley could pull off that type of absolute certainty in a song.  I mean it’s one thing to promise a girl you won’t make her cry or say goodbye, but it’s another thing to promise you won’t tell a lie or desert her.  Either way, it’s no wonder women in their 60’s all across Britain and the U.S. continue to throw themselves at Astley at whatever Bingo hall he appears. 

Remember, the Barstool 80’s party is less than 10 days away – sign up now at 1980@barstoolsports.com.

And no, this song is not available on Guitar Hero.

Introducing Justina from Bentley.    Who would have thought we’d have more Bentley girls than Northeastern chicks so far?  Shocking!   Anyway I’m making a change in the rules for Smokeshow of the Day.  From now on I’m not requiring permission from the chicks.  It’s a total dickhead move on my part and I feel real dirty doing it.  But the bottom-line is that we’re the only freaking blog in the world that requires the girls give us permission to post their photos.    Every other website in the universe right now is just rummaging through facebook and myspace and clipping photos.  And I’m sitting here like an idiot trying to be Mr. Nice Guy. Well enough is enough!  Bottom-line is that if girls put their pictures on the web than they are fair game from now on.    Because despite what idiotic dads and irate tennis coaches say it’s 100% legal.    And I can’t just sit back and watch the Stool get its ass kicked because I’m trying to be nice.    Just don’t tell the First Lady because she’ll be wicked pissed at me and I need her to drive me places in a couple weeks.   So if you are aware of any hot girls please send them our way to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

PS – Voting for the Great 8 of the Barstool Smokeshow of the Month ends tonight at 11pm.  Really the only game still in question is Emily vs. Michelle. So don’t forget to vote for that one today.

Click here for more pics of Justina

Misslandmine.org - Miss Landmine Angola 2008 pageant in close collaboration with the Angolan government (CNIDAH) and supported by the European Union is under way: The crowning of the world's first Miss Landmine in front of a live audience and a special jury in CineTropico in Luanda, Angola on April 2nd, 2008. The winner will receive a custom-made prothesis from Norway's leading manufacturer.

Somebody sent me this link to Angola’s Miss Landmine Contest 2008.    Now let me clearly state that there is nothing funny about people getting their limbs blown off.   In fact, I almost didn’t post this link because I don’t want anybody making fun of these chicks.   But I just had to post it because it's so fucking nuts.   Now obviously the reason they do this contest is to raise awareness about the problems of landmines and make it clear that just because you get blown up doesn’t mean you have to stop living your life.  It’s a great message and the Stool is proud to support all landmine victims as well as the Miss Landmine Contest 2008.    So without further ado here is my pick to win the golden prosthetic leg;  Drum roll please……. Miss Cuanza Sul.

PS – For all those ladies who can’t buy a Barstool Shirt because we don’t have ladies sizes feel free to buy a Miss Landmine contest t-shirt instead.  

The Celtics can’t lose even if they try. Minus the Big 3 on Saturday night, the C’s still thrashed Charlotte by 23. With just one game scheduled over 5 days, it was the perfect time to rest KG, PP and Ray. Doc also said he will likely sit 2 of the 3 Tuesday night in Milwaukee and then just reduce minutes for the remaining games. Anyone worried about these DNPs affecting chemistry and momentum should remember that the NBA playoff schedule is pure shit. Teams never play on back-to-back nights, even on non-travel days. Sometimes you have to wait two full days for a game. Here's a sample of what we are in for: Last year the Cavs swept the Wizards in the opening round and it took 8 days. Games were played on Sunday, Wednesday, Saturday and Monday. So there will be plenty of time to watch the Red Sox stumble through April (and May).

Prior to tonight’s NCAA championship game, the Hall of Fame committee will announce the new inductees. While Patrick Ewing and Hakeem Olajuwon are locks, we’re praying they’re smart enough to call Dennis Johnson’s name.

Chuck – Red’s Army

For those craving more hoops, check out our All - $1 Million and Under Team.

SAGA, Japan- Thirty-two runners were stung by honey bees while taking part in a marathon event in Saga on Sunday, local fire department officials said. The 32 runners participating in the half-marathon race were attacked by a swarm of honey bees at around 10:50 a.m. Sunday when they were around the 11-kilometer point near an apiary, according to event organizers. Many of those who were stung dropped out of the race, but the overall event, featuring races of varying distances, continued as a makeshift route diverted trailing runners from the area where the bees appeared, the organizers said.

Is it just me, or has humiliating the Yankees become the National Pastime of Japan. First the Red Sox go to Tokyo and get a better reception there than The Allies got when they liberated Paris. Now the Yankees are being exposed as sissified, lily-livered little mama's boys by none other than Japanese distance runners. What was the number one excuse coming out of the Bronx last year after they spit the bit in the playoffs yet again? Mr. Tough Guy, Mr. Throw- at- Guy's- Heads- to- Impress- Roger- Clemens Joba Chamberlain couldn't pitch with yukky bugs on him. Waa waa. Boo hoo. But here you've got a bunch of scrawny 80lb weaklings who probably look like the "Before" pictures from a Bowflex ad, getting attacked by dangerous, angry, vicious, deadly bees and they're able to finish the damned race. And with all due respect, in my high school anyway, no one confused the Cross Country kids with a bunch of Navy Seals.

AUSTIN, Texas - A $5-per-customer fee on strip club patrons dubbed the "pole tax" has been declared unconstitutional. A state district judge ruled Friday that clubs can't collect the fee. The charge went into effect in January and was expected to raise about $44 million for sexual assault prevention programs and health care for the uninsured. Judge Scott Jenkins wrote that the fee, "while furthering laudable goals, violates the First Amendment to the United States Constitution and is therefore invalid." The Texas Entertainment Association Inc., which is a group of topless clubs, and Karpod Inc., the owner of an Amarillo club, sued Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott and Comptroller Susan Combs over the fee. Witnesses for the strip clubs testified at a hearing last year that the clubs would go out of business if they had to collect an additional $5-per-patron fee.

I kind of have mixed emotions on this one.  Obviously I agree that it is totally unconstitutional to charge a 5 dollar pole tax on the strip club patrons in Texas.   Listen if HBO’s new documentary on John Adams has taught us anything it’s that perverts have right’s too.   But let’s not stop there.   If we’re really want to start defending the rights of strip club customers this is just the tip of the ice berg.  Shouldn’t it be unconstitutional to charge like 20 bucks for a water and 10 bucks for a beer in a strip club?     Shouldn’t it be illegal to have strip clubs that don’t allow touching and groping?    Shouldn’t it be unconstitutional for strip clubs to hire strippers with stretch marks?   I mean the list goes on and on.   In fact some may say that no group of people have their rights violated more than perverts.   So while I’m happy to see the courts finally start protecting strip club patrons I am left to ponder what took so long?

VS.

Memphis has come a long way in terms of National respect in just a few short weeks. I mean at the beginning of the tournament everybody and their grandmother was saying the Tigers would be the first #1 seed to fall. Everybody except Billy Packer that is, who according to himself never doubted Memphis, and I'm sure he'll mention that at least 6,000 times tonight. In fact my guess is that if these two teams played in the first game of the tournament Kansas would have been about a 5 pt favorite. But now Memphis is giving 2. Personally I think this game has a chance to be an instant classic because both teams are willing and want to run up and down the court. Both teams are big, fast and athletic. For me the play is Memphis strictly because of Derrick Rose. He has been the best player in the tournament and I expect him to be the best player on the court tonight. I know everybody has already declared Michael Beasley the #1 pick in the NBA draft, but if I had the first pick I'd look long and hard at Mr. Rose. I can't remember the last time a point guard this good came out of college. He has star written all over him. So while their will be lots of good players on the court tonight there is only one great one and that should be the difference. Kind of like when Carmelo Anthony led Syracuse to the National Title as a Freshman.

The Pick - Memphis

The big news at Barstool Sports World Headquarters in Abington is that as of April 30^th my driver’s license is going to be suspended for two months.  No big deal.  Who needs to drive anyway?  It’s not like I run my own business or anything.   Apparently some bullshit about 7 moving violations within a 3 year span.   Is that even a lot?   I mean it’s not like I got any DUI’s or ran anybody over or anything like that.   In fact I only have one ticket in the past two years and that was back in September for blowing a stop sign.  Basically I went through a really bad stretch a couple years ago when I first moved to Abington and didn’t realize that Weymouth had teenage cops on RT 18 who pull you over if you drive 36 in a 35 MPH zone and discriminate against Astrovans.  So I ended up getting like 4 tickets in a 3 week span which totally fucked me.  (busted headlight, expired inspection sticker, expired registration all on one stop)  I actually had to take some lame ass drivers re-education class right after that stretch to keep my license, but apparently that was a total waste of time because I’ve been near perfect since then and the State is still stealing my license.   And the best part is that in the letter they said I can’t appeal it and there is no hardship license or anything like that. Basically their decision is final and I can go fuck myself.  Apparently they save all the appeals and loopholes for people who get DUI’s and kill people, but not for people who have expired inspection stickers.  Seems fair right?  Anyway this sob story is the long way of saying that now I need a driver.    Unless of course I just decide to roll the dice and drive without a license. But I’m pretty sure you go to jail if you get busted doing that so I’d need to make sure I could blog from jail first.  Plus the First Lady said she’d report me if I drive illegally so I think I need to find a driver.  Although going to jail actually may be pretty good for the Stool’s ratings.  “Live From Jail It’s El Pres!”   I could have like anal rape blogs and shit like that.   Hmm, 6 of one half dozen of the other.  Still I think I’m leaning towards trying to find a driver.   So if you’re interesting in this high paying, high profile, high stress job send me an email to portnoy@barstoolsports.com    Hot chicks who love giving BJ’s in the front seat of Astrovans get preference.    Also I will be willing to trade advertising with any car service in exchange for toting my ass all over the place.   It will be a win, win for everybody!

PS – All girls applying for this position should include a picture of themselves.  El Pres can’t have an ugly girl driver.  It would just ruin the entire image of the Stool.

Wow! Hilary Duff huh? Who knew? Nothing gets you on the Stool's radar screen faster than dropping a scorpian down your pants and having some Egyptian dude dig it out and finger blast you at the same time. I guess Duff has officially made the transition from the Mickey Mouse Club to the Slut of the Week Club. Glad to have her aboard.

PS - Did I see John Cusak in that clip? That reminds me to remind you that our 80's party is 1 week from Thursday. Be there or be square.

PROVO — A junior high school teacher has been arrested for investigation of unlawful sexual conduct with her 16-year-old proctor son. Jennifer Candida Gonzales, 32, who teaches at Mt. Nebo Junior High School in Payson, was arrested Monday after her husband, Richard Gonzales, told police he came home from work to find her and their 16-year-old proctor son in the basement with candles and oils, according to an affidavit of probable cause filed in 4th District Court. A proctor parent takes temporary care of a state-custody teen who may face emotional, behavioral or attitudinal issues. According to the affidavit, the teenager told police he had massaged Gonzales' breasts and buttocks.

Let this be a lesson to you kids. The kind of lesson you wouldn't get anywhere except here and at Mt. Nebo Jr. High. Bad kids get what they want; good kids are suckers. I have a buddy whose wife used to teach the "troubled" kids; the Sweathogs. The kids who acted up, cut classes and had juvey records. She used to take them on field trips. One time they were at Plymouth Plantation and the girl in the period costume explained to these kids how people lived in the Pilgrim days and finished it with "Would you like to ask me any questions" so one of the young punks said "Yeah, do you take it up the ass?" When she told me this story, I asked my friend's wife "What kind of field trips do you take the good kids on? The ones with perfect attendance who study hard and follow the rules?" "Um, none," she said. So all you school kids reading Barstool right now, take it from me. Disrupt class. Get in trouble. Demonstrate "emotional, behavioral or attitudinal issues." Then you too will get to embarass National Park employees and rub massage oil over some MILFs breast and buttocks by candlelight in her basement.

The Grades:
Looks: Probably cleans up really well. Grade: A solid B.
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: I honestly don't know how I can ask any more of a chick than to let her foster child feel her up while her husband is in the house. All the kid would've had to see is the candles and oils set up and I'm guessing his "attitudinal issues" weren't the only thing being straightened out. Grade: A+.
Intangibles: Jennifer really needs to offer proof of fornication to bring this grade up. But getting Richard to go along with this proctoring thing without him getting wise to the fact that she was horny for the kid... that's brilliant. Grade: B+
Overall: B+.

b 

Bostonherad.com - A young couple dogged by shouting paparazzi scurries down Newbury Street, ducking in and out of stores. As the photographers push to get closer, passers-by pull out their cell phones to snap photos of the stars before asking the lensmen who the celebrity duo is. “I could live like this every day,” said the hunted proto-celeb Justine McCarthy, a hair stylist from Newburyport. “It was an absolute blast.” Your Paparazzi For Hire, a new business venture by wedding photographer and hair stylist Lance McBrayer, launched Tuesday, allowing everyday Bostonians to experience the celebrity lifestyle. We’re really marketing more of the experience than the product,” McBrayer said. “The flashing bulbs and the feeling of everyone’s attention on you. It’s to give people the experience that they normally wouldn’t have.” Faux paparazzi have become popular across the country, with companies popping up in major cities in the United States and Europe. Your Paparazzi for Hire is the only “reality marketing” company in Boston, McBrayer said.  For a mere $499, one can be hunted down by a pack of four Your Paparazzi for Hire photographers who will be riveted on you for a full 30 minutes. Up the ante to $2,479 - the premium “Star” package - and the wannabe celeb, accompanied by a body guard, will be able to step out of a limo to be hounded for two hours by six paparazzi whose questions will be fielded by the “star’s” personal publicist.

So let me get this straight.  For 499 dollars I can hire fake paparazzi members to take pictures of me and ask me fake questions so I can feel like celebrity for 30 minutes?   And for only $2,479 I can get the fake paparazzi treatment for 2 hours?   What a fucking deal!   That price tag obviously has to include non stop blowjobs from fake groupies for the entire time right?  Because if it doesn’t than this has to go down as the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard of in my life.  I mean it’s a known fact that the only time it ever makes any sense to fake being famous is if it is somehow going to get you laid.   But to pay thousands of dollars to fool strangers on Newbury Street?     Are you serious? What kind of loser do you have to be to buy this thing? Congrats you tricked people into thinking you were an F List celebrity for 30 minutes.  Awesome job.  

Geez this guy is a hot head huh? I mean I'm not even sure the ump blew the call here? I actually think the guy was out. Either way it was a bang, bang play. As a rule, before you attack an umpire you better be sure that you're right.

Much more Lake here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com